Friday, January 29, 2010

An Obituary printed in the London Times

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing .

Are you one of the few? How will we know? If so leave a comment and take our poll titled, “Do You Have Common Sense?”


Saturday, January 23, 2010

Church Bulletin Bloopers

“The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, ‘Break Forth Into Joy.”
Turning Points Magazine & Devotional July 2009 Pg. 46

“Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
Turning Points Magazine & Devotional July 2009 Pg. 46

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Beware Terrorists Groups' in Church

Latest news reports are that five terrorist cell groups have been operating in many of our churches.

They have been identified as: Bin Sleepin, Bin Arguin, Bin Fightin, Bin Complainin, and Bin Missin.

Their leader, Lucifer Bin Workin, trained these groups to destroy the Body of Christ. The plan is to come into the chruch disguised as Christians and to work within the church to discourage, disrupt, and destroy. However, there have ben reports of a sixth group. A tiny cell known by the name Bin Prayin is actually the only effective counter terrorism force in the church.

Unlike other terrorist cells, the Bin Prayin team does not blend in with whoever and whatever comes along. Bin prayin does whatever is needed to uplift and encourage the Body of Christ.

We have noticed that the Bin prayin group has different characteristics than the others. They have Bin Watchin, Bin Waitin, Bin Fastin, and Bin Longin for their Master, Jesus Christ to return.

I hope you'll join me as part of the last group!

From Bible Baptist Church Burgaw NC. Church Bulletin Jan. 10

Saturday, January 2, 2010

The Warrior's Prayer

Heavenly Father,
Your warrior prepares for battle.
Today I claim victory over Satan by putting on
the whole armor of God!

I put on the Girdle of Truth!
May I stand firm in the truth of Your Word
so I will not be a victim of Satan's lies.

I put on the Breastplate of Righteousness!
May it guard my heart from evil
so I will remain pure and holy,
protected under the blood of Jesus Christ.

I put on the Shoes of Peace!
May I stand firm in the Good News of the Gospel
so Your peace will shine through me
and be a light to all I encounter.

I take the Shield of Faith!
May I be ready for Satan's firey darts of
doubt, denial, and decite
so I will not be vunerable to spiritual defeat.

I put on the Helment of Salvation!
May I keep my mind focused on You
so Satan will not have a stronghold on my

I take the Sword of the Spirit!
May the two-edged sword of Your Word
be ready in my hands
so I can expose the tempting words of Satan.

By faith your warrior has put on
the whole armor of God!

I am prepared to live this day in spiritural victory!